robert mugabe joke

Robert Mugabe and his chauffeur
were driving down the highway
when suddenly they hit a pig
crossing the road and killed it
instantly.
Mugabe tells his driver: "Go to da
farm over dere and hexplain to
da honer of da pig what happen."
One hour later, Mugabe sees his
driver coming back from the
farm, his clothes all wrinkled, a
bottle of wine in one hand and a
cigar in the other.
"What happen to you?" Mugabe
asks.
"Well, the farmer gave me a
bottle of wine, his wife, the cigar
and their 19 year old daughter
made wild passionate love to
me."
"My God! What did you tell dem?"
asked Mugabe.
The driver answered: "Good
evening, I am Robert Mugabe's
chauffeur and I have just killed
the pig."

who is god

A little kid asks
his father, "Daddy, is
God a man or a
woman?"
"Both, son, God is both."
After awhile the kid comes again
and asks, "Daddy, is God black or
white?"
"Both, son, both."
"Daddy, does God love children?"
"Yes, son, he loves all children."
The child returns a few minutes
later and asks, "Daddy, is Michael
Jackson God?

whos son is better

Three women were bragging
about their sons.
The first woman jumped up
and said, "My son is a
bishop. Whenever he walks
into a Church, everyone
says 'Oh, your Emminence!'"
Not to be outdone, the
second woman says, "My
boy is a Cardinal. Whenever
he walks into a Church,
everyone says 'Oh, your
Excellency!'"
Then the last woman looks
at the others and says, "I
don't know about YOUR boys,
but my son is 17 years old
and weighs 500 lbs.
Whenever he walks into a
Church they always say 'OH
MY GOD!'"

god will provide

A young woman brings home
her fiancee to meet her
parents. After dinner, her
mother tells her father to
find out about the young
man. The father invites the
fiancee to his study for a
drink.
"So what are your plans?"
the father asks the young
man.
"I am a Torah scholar," he
replies.
"A Torah scholar. Hmmm,"
the father says. "Admirable,
but what will you do to
provide a nice house for my
daughter to live in, as she's
accustomed to?"
"I will study," the young man
replies, "and God will provide
for us."
"And how will you buy her a
beautiful engagement ring,
such as she deserves?"
asks the father.
"I will concentrate on my
studies," the young man
replies, "God will provide for
us."
"And children?" asks the
father. "How will you support
children?"
"Don't worry, sir, God will
provide," replies the fiancee.
The conversation proceeds
like this, and each time the
father questions, the young
idealist insists that God will
provide.
Later, the mother asks,
"How did it go, Honey?"
The father answers, "He has
no job and no plans, but the
good news is he thinks I'm
God."

1 good deed to heaven

A guy just died and he's at
the pearly gates, waiting to
be admitted, while St. Peter
is leafin' through this Big
Book to see if the guy is
worthy.
St. Peter goes through the
Book several times, furrows
his brow and says to the
guy, 'You know, I can't see
that you ever did anything
really bad in your life, but
you never did anything
really good either. If you can
point to even one REALLY
GOOD DEED-- you're in.'
The guy thinks for a
moment and says, 'Yeah,
there was this one time
when I was driving down the
highway and saw a giant
group of Biker Gang
Rapists assaulting this poor
girl. I slowed down my car to
see what was going on and
sure enough, there they
were, about 50 of 'em ripping
the
clothes off this terrified
young woman.
Infuriated, I got out of my
car, grabbed a tire iron out
of my trunk, and walked up
to the leader of the gang, a
Huge Guy with a studded
leather
jacket and a chain running
from his nose to his ear. As I
walked up to the leader, the
Biker Gang Rapists formed a
circle around me. So, I ripped
the leader's chain off his
face and smashed him over
the head with the tire iron.
Layed him out. Then I turned
and yelled at the rest of
them, 'Leave this poor
innocent girl alone! You're all
a
bunch of sick, deranged
animals! Go home before I
teach you all a lesson in
pain!'
St. Peter, impressed, says,
'Really? When did this
happen?'
'Oh, about two minutes ago.'